i t z i e . d i a r y l a n d . c o m

The Elipsis of Existence // 2004-02-23


In the three weeks since I last wrote an entry, I changed ages (I won't say I grew a year older - you don't do that in a single day!), I went on my first grown-up-significant-other-vacation to Vancouver, I went to two great concerts (including the Wrens last night, where I met one of the band members courtesy QESD's friend), and tied for first at trivia night at QESD's local pub.

And then this weekend, my whole family dynamic changed. First, I was severely scolded for not getting in touch with them after my birthday. Because my friends and family are all on the East Coast, calling them during the week is next to impossible (especially when working 10.5 hours of overtime in a week), and then that weekend I went to Vancouver... so this whole weekend was spent catching up on my phone messages. Anyway, first off, my aunt is getting separated from a very cool Uncle. The woods/fields/park/golf course across the street from my childhood home is being turned into yet another subdivision (is nothing sacred?). My brother is shacking up with his girlfriend. I've told him that I am SO GLAD that for once he is doing something before me. I figured that my fundamentalist christian mom would disown me and that my very conservative dad would have a fit if I ever did that. Apparently mom is taking the "Well, you know I disapprove of it, but it's your choice" route, and my dad is taking the "fine by me since it's not in my house, but you'd damn well better be planning to get married" route. They are apparently planning to get married. He's 23, she's 19. Yikes. I had a great conversation with my brother about it, though. He apparently doesn't care what the family thinks of him. I, on the other hand, am a slave to other people's opinions. But at least he's breaking new ground. I'd really like to live with someone before I decide to marry them. And while I was talking to my dad about all the family news, he actually asked me if I had any news about QESD and me. It's only been FIVE MONTHS. Crikey, dad.

My grandmother also has cancer so badly that my dad doesn't think she'll recognize him when he goes to visit her this week. He told me he doesn't think I should even go see her because she definitely won't recognize me. I don't know if I will go or not. She has about a month to live. She's my last living grandparent. She's an interesting lady, but she's been so distant from the family since my grandfather died and it really adds a weird dynamic to everything.

My grandmother is only 69 years old (I'm 28). She was 14 when she married my grandfather. She was the third of 14 brothers and sisters. One day, she saw my grandfather through a hole in the fence up in a little coal mining town in Appalacia. Her mother told her not to marry one of those Rose boys, and so that's what she did, pretty much right away. I wonder if it wasn't to get away from her family? She never really spoke with any of them after she got married. She stayed with my grandfather until he died in 1996 (48 years). She was 16 when she had her first child and 18 when my dad was born. She was apparently a bit difficult to deal with as a mother, and I know from personal experience that she did not hide her favorites. Once, we went to her house for Thanksgiving and when we got there, she informed us that there were leftovers in the fridge if we were hungry. Another year, we got there and she had decided that since my dad's younger brother couldn't be there, that there wasn't going to BE a Thanksgiving. But I also remember that she made great biscuits, that she was always thrilled to see me, and that we were really close for a few months after my grandfather died. I will always treasure those few months. Then, at some point, she started flirting with men over the internet. It was how she dealt with her grief after my grandfather died - she had to find some way to entertain herself. And, boy, entertain herself she did! She found some loverboy down in Florida that she dated for a while, and then a few years ago, she found some man in San Diego - and went to visit him one weekend... and then never came back. They got married and she's been happily living in California ever since. My grandmother - who lived in small town Appalacia most of her life - became a SoCal Gal. My dad hasn't forgiven her for running off with another man after his father died - which is quite hypocritical in my opinion, since my dad left my mom while she's still ALIVE and married someone else, but anyway. The point is, since she got remarried a relocated to SoCal, we haven't heard much from her. Anyway, she's been an interesting lady, and I'm sorry to see her go. It's a new era, I guess. The youngest generation is shacking up/getting married, and the oldest generation is passing on... and now I'm pretty much where my parents were when I came on the scene.

Ok, I'm going to go now before "Circle of Life" from the Lion King kicks in.

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